I would just like to welcome everyone back to Parents R Us. We know it has been a while since there has been anything talked about here, but I am going to remedy that right now. The last time we posted here Joy wrote the post, and it was for all of you moms out there. I think she had some great ideas about how to keep from losing your identities while being a full time mom.

Today we are going to talk about all of you dads out there and how important it is to not only take care of your family, but how to make sure that you also don’t disappear from yourself and your family as well. It is as equally important for us dads to not lose our identities as it is for our lovers and the mommies of our children. Fortunately I think it is a little bit easier for dads to maintain their identities than it is for moms.

Now we all know that part of a husband and a dad’s identity is providing for the family. Most of the men out there are the breadwinners. You have to pay the mortgage so that there is a roof over your family’s head. You have to put food on the table so that your family is healthy both physically and mentally. You have to put clothes on their backs so that they are cool in the summer, warm in the winter, and comfortable.

In order to maintain our own mental health, well being, and identity there are some things that us guys have to do for ourselves too. One thing we should all do is try to get a little alone time that has nothing to do with anything other than our own pleasure even if it is just going for a ride. In my case I like to go shooting sometimes because it relaxes me. I also like to skydive and surf when I get the chance.

Another way to maintain our own identities is to engage in a little romance or intimacy with the wife or significant other For the record I am not just talking about sex either, although that is also great…..and fun too. A candlelight dinner is a really fun way to show the one you love who and what kind of man you are. A late night swim or skinny dip with your honey in the pool or just relaxing in the hot tub is excellent too.

One of the best ways to keep your identity intact is by being involved in as many family activities as you can. Going to places like museums, zoos, or libraries with the family is great fun, and you all get to learn something and broaden your horizons. Going to shows or concerts is always good fun for family participation. Even something as simple as setting aside a day for family and seeing a movie or playing a game is good for dissolving an identity crisis.

Now I understand that life today is complicated and with most families having both parents work, it is not always easy to find time for your family let alone yourself, but you have to. I also understand that with today’s economy money is tight, but a lot of these things are not that expensive, and your family is worth the expense and so are us guys. However it is important that you and your family don’t forget who you are.

That’s all I have for you folks today here at Parents R Us. I hope it has been helpful especially to all of you husbands, dads, and boyfriends out there who are in that wonderful club called PARENTS. Until the next time we get together I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and an awesome week to follow, CIAO4NOW!!!!!

After a weekend full of harried back-to-school shopping, looking for notebooks, the perfect pair of shoes, and school clothes to please kids (a feat in itself), the day has finally arrived - the first day of school. *Cough* dollars later, the kids were off to school this morning without a hitch, and I found myself fighting back a few tears…I just can't believe…it's free childcare. Lol.

The first few hours of freedom have been spent working, and I forgot how much I can accomplish when the kids are in school. It's incredible. It takes a 10 hour work day down to about six hours. Amazing what you can get done when you're not running around fixing snacks every 30 minutes, answering questions like "how do you spell dinosaur" (had to throw that one in again) and picking out new Barney shows for the kids.

Here are just a few things that come to mind when I think back-to-school. (Feel free to throw in an "Amen" here and there).

- For a few hours each day the house will be quiet
- I'll finally be able to go to the bathroom by myself
- The house will stay clean more than 5 minutes
- The food bill will decrease by half
- I can actually have "alone" time with my husband
- The ability to go somewhere on my own
- Showering without having to chase the kids out of the room
- I get a break from Barney from 8am-3pm
- Listening to or watching what I want (instead of Barney, Wiggles, or my daughter on the phone…)

Of course, school time does bring about new challenges for kids and their parents, and I'm sure we'll discuss some of them along the way here at Parents R Us. However, just for today, it's time to celebrate…the kids are back in school! Have anything to add? Feel free to share as always!

Hi there, and thanks for taking time to visit Parents R Us. Today my post is especially directed towards the moms, although I know you dads will definitely get some insight from this post too, so don't bail out thinking this is only for women. After all, some of this can apply to men too.

Today I want to talk to moms about losing your identity in motherhood. Perhaps you have heard of this or it may have never crossed your mind. Whatever the case, this is a problem that many moms deal with and I really think it needs to be addressed.

Now admittedly, I'm not a conventional mom. I didn't get nine months to prepare for my kids - I became "insta-mom" lol. However, I know that I have found that it is very easy to become a mom and become totally immersed in motherhood (whether you give birth to children, adopt them, or get them by marriage).

Becoming immersed in motherhood is not a bad thing. It's great that you love your children - you should! The problem arises when you begin to lose your identity. If you have kids, you know what I mean. One day you look in the mirror and wonder who that is, or perhaps you find yourself in the grocery store suddenly forgetting how to communicate with people over the age of 5.

Women who work at home or stay at home with the children are often more likely to experience the loss of their own identity. When you are the "caretaker" for your children, sometimes those maternal instincts can directly conflict with having an identity of your own. The thing is, if you want to be the best mom, you have to maintain a strong sense of self.

You need to remember that you are a person, other than just a mom. You have dreams, hopes, likes, dislikes, wants, and needs - just like anyone else. Start pushing these things into the background all the time, and you are going to suffer from burnout, or "losing yourself." Yes, burnout can happen to moms. Simply look at the depression statistics among women who have children - they are staggering! This depression can occur postpartum or at other stages of motherhood. Many times the reasons moms go through depression (and some even suffer from nervous breakdowns) is because they have lost a sense of self, or a sense of their own identity.

You may be thinking, "this could never happen to me." You're wrong! If you don't take time now to maintain your own identity, you can deal with these problems, and at times they can become quite severe. The key is to recognize the problem before it becomes severe and work to make sure you keep your own identity. How can you do this? Here are some suggestions:

- Avoid being a mom that is too possessive. When you are overly possessive of your children, you give away your personal power to your children.

- Don't try to please your kids all the time. Not only will you wear yourself out, but you'll lose their respect, and you'll stop respecting yourself.

- Remember your own needs. Listen to them. It's not selfish to remember your own needs - it's simply honest and can help you maintain your own identity.

- When your kids make mistakes, remember it doesn't reflect on you. Too many moms feel like failures when kids make mistakes. You are doing fine as long as you are letting your kids learn through experiences of their own so they eventually become self directed.

- Have a life other than the kids. I know, it sounds impossible. However, you need to have a life that includes friends, your family, and activities you enjoy.

- Eliminate words like "guilty" and "selfish" from your dictionary. When you use these words on yourself, they destroy your confidence and diminish your true worth.

- Come to the realization that your kids don't ALWAYS need you for every little thing. There are quite a few things they can do on their own - you just have to let them.

- Get your spouse involved. If you are a single parent, then recruit the help of friends and family. You shouldn't have to do this alone.

- Last of all, stop thinking you have to be a perfect mom. Parenting is like an art that you are always working on. When you think you have to be perfect, this puts an unnecessary burden on you.

If you have forgot who you are, if you look in the mirror and don't recognize the face, or you just no longer even know who lives inside your body, it's time to do something about it. Don't lose your identity. If you do lose your identity, you can't be the mom you need to be. Moms who know who they are, who maintain their identity, and who ensure their emotional needs are met, are able to give even more to their children. So, it's not selfish, it is in your best interest and in the best interest of your family too.

I know this post is a bit long, but I have felt it is an important topic. Many moms have "crashed and burned" because of this problem. Hopefully this will be helpful to other moms out there. If you have any comments or advice to add, feel free to leave a comment. We always love to hear what you have to say!